Ok some more bad and ugly parts...

Oh how I hate posting all the negatives. The good truly out-weighed the bad, but at the time God was the only thing that got me through some of it. Please don't let that scare you, but there were many times of getting on my knees praying for strength. I really didn't prepare myself to feel as homesick as I was when we were in Nanjing. (I think that rain and general dreariness didn't help either) After we had our hugging day with Gabe, we were ready to head home and we still had over a week to go! I was missing my kids at home the most, but also just having a bowl or a spoon when I needed one! I was also so tired of living out of a suitcase and using bottled water to brush my teeth. So, yes I was a little home sick, but it really hit when I got the 'flu' or 'bug' whatever you want to call it. As I think I mentioned in the blogpost from when I was ill HERE I don't remember when I was ever that sick. I really thought that I was going to end up in a Chinese hospital needing an IV to rehydrate. That evening I just cried and cried. It is bad enough when your ill, but to be so far away, worried, and have a child who needs you. Then Tim got sick and well, we were both low. We managed though (of course our Lord carried us while we packed up the hotel room and made our way to the airport!)

Once we got to Guangzhou things were so much better. However, in Nanjing we found out that Gabe was a strong willed little guy. He was a talker and knew what he liked and what he wanted and he pretty much wanted everything right now! LOL Waiting in line was torture for him and he would have the darnedest fits. Then in Guangzhou the temper tantrums seem to really escalate. I think partly due to the communication barrier we had and partly to the fact that while your in China you are told to (and rightly so) basically spoil them. Your really trying to show them that you are ok to be with, so lots of candy, suckers, treats etc come out. Sometimes you use these things just to keep your sanity! I would watch the other children in our group (all girls) as they were such calm little sweeties. No screaming, they would sit and wait patiently while their parents shopped, or waited in line, or they would be happy to be entertained with mama or baba playing a little waiting game with them (their families did have some interesting tales to tell about how there were in the hotel rooms!) --not Mr. Lulu! There were 2 nights when we ate at Lucy's that Gabe just completely melted down. One night Joe (our travel mate) was so kind to ask the waitress to go talk to him for us. She got him to quiet down and he finally ate, but I tell you, I think he was just overwhelmed with all the choices as he was able to eat off of our plates, drink our drinks, etc. and when he decided he wanted something and it wasn't there he lost it! It is hard parenting in front of a watching world-your child is screaming and there are a ton of Chinese (and American) people staring at you. There were times I think we both were thinking, "What do we do-how do we handle or get through this!?" It was quite stressful for a few days, but the great part is that when he was happy, giggling, and loving on us (and us on him) all those fits are easily forgotten! That was his way of grieving the loss of his life and he had every right to have his tantrums-as hard as they were on us! Thankfully he slept at night - if we were not sleeping on top of this-that would have been really hard!

Now that we are home, the temper tantrums are still there at times, but not nearly as bad as in China and those first few days home. We are all learning. Now it is much less a communication issue and a 'I want it or I want it now' attitude issue :-) And he usually gets over that quickly and we move on.

I have a few more things to comment on, but I had a really busy day today and Jay has an early soccer game in the morning.
Also, sorry I had to get my earlier post off my chest, boy was I a little cranky. Thanks to the great supportive posts I got. I feel much better. I usually don't let things bother me, but I know I worry so much about Gabe and wanting to love him enough to erase all the rough he has had to endure in his young life. So, we are just going to love him!